Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
