I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
