I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
