It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
