Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
