I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I cut my penus on the lid.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
