first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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