if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
