your thong is hanging out like whoa
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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