Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
