dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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