Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
