Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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