do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
