I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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