Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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