I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
