if i can run in heels then i can drive
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
