They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
