Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
