Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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