I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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