i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
