I heard we made out
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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