It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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