Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
