Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
