just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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