I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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