Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
