I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
