I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
