i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
