they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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