I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
