Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
