Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
