Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
