i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
