JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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