So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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