You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
