how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
