I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
please come you make the beer taste better
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
