Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
