I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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