He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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