Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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