I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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