I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
