Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
