fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
