at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
