whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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