I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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